Does my bum look big in this?

7 words that no man ever wants to hear! Even the strongest is reduced to sphincter clenching paralysis by that phrase.

So when I heard it I tried to be clever:

Me: "I really hate that question 'cos I know there's no right answer, so I'm not saying anything."

gf of the time: "What? You mean it's that bad!"

AAARGHH!!!

I'm in trouble for SAYING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!

What is it with you women and bums anyway? I heard on the TV the other day that "curves are in this season" which was a surprise to me as I thought they'd always been in!

The Women's and gossip mags aren't unanimous about this yet though. It does seem that, for some of them at least, skinny is the new missing septum but the rest are still sporting the usual crop of shapeless stick figures that drive a million teenage girls to anorexia.

Do you want a hint? Just look upwards and along a bit to the "Adult" section... Great big piles of T&A* everywhere! By real women with big curves (who can earn stacks of cash just for getting their kit off) for, err, men (and some other women too).
That's why you can get porn mags called Hooters, Butts and Big Mamas but never Skinny Bitch Monthly!


So back to the real world. When faced with the Question Of Death:

"Does my bum look big in this?"

the correct manly-man answer is of course:

"Phwoor yeah I'll say. Yum."

(and then beg for mercy :-)


* "Teeth and Attitude" obviously. What else?