The magic of evolution

Stupid people get hurt.

Err, that's it.

Sorry, I know it's Science Thursday and all that, but that's the best I can do. I've now been at Pan Galactic Bank for three days and, as anyone in the City knows, Thursday is "Team Night Out" - i.e. leaving the office at 5:30, six pints down and even the new-boy (me) is taking the piss and generally "fitting in".

Fantastic.

So now there's just enough time to stuff down a Chinese takeaway before hoping the Room-Spin of Doom subsides enough to get some shut-eye before developing core code for the bank tomorrow...

Bottom (2)

"I'd rather have a big bum than be a size 8" she says, proving that Carol Vorderman has read my blog.

Bottom

UK TV G2 are currently having an all-weekend, 100% Bottom Frenzy!

What could be more fantastic than that?!! Even Google agrees :-)

Nerds Rule

Kew gardens is amazingly beautiful. The plants, the glass sculptures, the serenity, and the breathtaking buildings.

Well I thought they were breathtaking, but my two female chums seemed to be too busy nattering to notice! Yes, ok, ok they were old friends and hadn't seen each other for five years but still, I mean, come on! There's a time and place! For goodness sake!

Obviously I felt the need to share my world with them.

"Do you know something interesting about this building?" I said in the Temperate House.

"Err go on" they replied with that tolerant smile normally reserved for a small child clutching a sticky painting.

"This building was the first major building ever to use wrought iron. If they'd used cast iron there would've been too many columns to make the space inside usable!" I grinned.

"Ah, righto" they said.

"Discovery channel", I said, "It's really cool."

"You have far too much time on your hands."

Hmmm, my quest to impress seemed to have failed...

But they'd missed the point completely: the Temperate House is glorious, but utterly, utterly impossible without nerds!

Yup, Sydney Opera House, Eiffel Tower, Fourth Suspension Bridge, Kew Temperate House, the Superdome... the list is endless, and all glorious buildings that could only be built because some nerd somewhere thought to themselves "I wonder if I can make metal stronger?"

Nerds like totally rock, dude.

Leslie

In the beginning there was Brighton LeRoc. Ok, so not actually when earth was still warm, but when I started dancing: about 10 years ago.

As an innocent-before-my-years type I fell in love with almost every woman immediately, but that's another story.

No, I want to tell you about the "Flip Flop" - or the "Brighton Sway" as it was known in every other dance club in the South:

Start with the woman facing you, right to right-hand grip: beat 1. step away, 2. bring her towards you and turning, so her back ends up basketed against your front, and grasp her left hand. 3. both sway back, with the right foot, down and up. 4. sway forward down and up. 5. project her to the left. 6. bring back to your front. repeat beats 3 to 6 three times and exit.

Intermediate move, takes about 20 mins to teach a whole class. Kindof a fun move as the cuddly stuff gets everyone giggling.

No worries.

So three months in was my first freestyle night and I'm dancing with Leslie. Ah Leslie, slightly older, nicely buxom and a lovely smile.

Yum.

Dancing away, dance diddly dance, Throgmorton is doing a not-a-bad job of remembering all the moves crammed into the old brain-box.

Splendid.

And here comes the Flip-Flop: project out, right-to-right, and bring in - at this point I remember I'm wearing loose trousers and boxer shorts. How do I known this? Because Leslie's lovely, firm, rounded buttocks have just clenched themselves snugly, tightly and firmly each side of Mister Wibbly...

beat 3. Down and Up

eek

4. Down and Up

meep

5. project to the left

Time is beginning to slow down... Not enough for me to do anything about what's going, but long enough for Brain Command to panic at the realisation of what Trouser Command is beginning to think:

Trouser Command: "phwoor, yum"

Brain Command: "what do you mean 'yum'?"

TC: "I mean YUM, what else do you think I mean?"

BC: "But I know what you're like when you think 'yum'!"

TC: "ooh yeah, I'll say"

BC: "nooooooo..."

6. Bring back to the front - aaaand clench! Again!!

repeat 3. Down and Up

BC: "Arghhh no!!!" (as Trouser Command begins to get - how shall we say - 'a bit perky') "No! Down boy, down!"

TC: "Why?"

4. Down and Up

TC: "heh heh heh"

and as Leslie flips to the left again all my strangely sweating brow can now think is "NOO, it's going to happen a third time! And I can't stop it!!!"

But the funny thing is, there's no punchline to this story... With a deft flick of the hips Mister not-quite-so-Wibbly-any-more is placed harmlessly against Leslie's left bum-cheek and nothing was ever said. By either of us. Ever.

Never saw much of her again though :-(

Oh well.

I've done many things in the dance scene since then, but I'll never forget Leslie...

Thanks for all the fish

Just like Wagon Wheels, the push-button room at the science museum was a lot smaller than I remember. But I hadn't been there for nearly thirty years and only went recently after doing the job-interview thing in London. It was a good idea: the whole museum and the exhibits are absolutely magnificent and definitely worth half a day of anyone's time.

The reason I'd gone, though, was to see the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy exhibit – yes I know, it's sad and about time I grew up blah blah blah but H2G2 is really deep ok! :-)

Unfortunately the exhibit was a bit disappointing and has now closed. After paying the outrageous eight quid something to get in, there was a sequence of promising rooms each depicting a scene from the movie. But they were all fairly static and sparse – lots of missed opportunities for interaction or, at least, active exhibits, and several blank stretches of wall.

A bit of a let down.

Except for just one poster:

"Probability is very hard for most humans to understand. That's why there are many people who smoke but will avoid some foodstuffs because of the additives."

Written by Douglas Adams and worth the entrance price alone it should be the foreword on every maths textbook...

Unfortunately I didn't memorise the exact wording and haven't found the quote in Google yet. If anyone out there has a pointer to the full quote please leave a comment :-)